


Is It Just Me?

by AnimeBoyAndGirlSimp



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - America, Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Body Part Kinks, Body Worship, Bottom Tsukishima Kei, Break Up, Daddy Kink, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Back Together, Hate Sex, Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma Friendship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kinks, Love/Hate, M/M, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Piercings, Post-Break Up, Praise Kink, Protective Karasuno Volleyball Club, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smut, Tattoos, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Top Kuroo Tetsurou, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Voice Kink, Yeah We In Texas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:07:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25002856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimeBoyAndGirlSimp/pseuds/AnimeBoyAndGirlSimp
Summary: 'Are you hurting,yeah you must be.Or is it just me?'___Very much based on the song "Is It Just Me?" by Emily Burns.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Kudos: 52





	Is It Just Me?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I am well aware of the problems that I've made for myself by putting this AU in America. Some stuff doesn't line up with American culture, like the last name stuff or the school names or whatever, but I honestly couldn't care less. I'm just gonna keep it like that as to not confuse anyone.

The cars outside were faint, much more quiet than Kei's labored breathing. His glasses were too far away to reach from there, so he allowed himself to sit in the corner of his room without being able to see very well. He didn't care, because he didn't want to see anyway. He didn't want to move. 

He heard his phone buzz from the nightstand, and just stared at it. His arms tightened around his legs, drawing them closer to his chest as he shook. It was Yamaguchi, definitely. Kei's best friend had developed a sixth sense over the years to tell when Kei was having a panic attack, which he was. Yamaguchi called it his "Kei-dar". Maybe they were linked in some way, like siblings were. But Kei didn't want to talk to the freckled male. He never did when he was like this.

It wasn't like he didn't want to get better, he was just obsessed with the past, and getting better meant moving on, and he just couldn't. Though it would be horrible for his health if he didn't stop this way of living, he couldn't give it up, because he deserved it. He would always deserve the pain. It only took an object or a word to trigger the memories to come flooding back in full force, washing over him and drowning him in guilt and anxiety. It was the stupid shit that would remind him, like a pillow or clothes with cats on it or Disney movies. All of that stuff was at Yamaguchi's apartment, sitting in the bottom of the closet because Kei would just stare at the box holding everything for hours on end, crying and practically trying to scratch his eyes out.

It was so toxic, the situation he was in now. He'd spiraled into a depression that had taken over his life and everything in it. Scars littered his arms and his legs. His hair was messy and unkempt. He'd have to go to work in a little while, but he didn't want to. Not now. Maybe it would take some of the edge away, but it'd just buy him a few hours. It was useless. Just like him.

Yamaguchi would be over in about fifteen minutes. It was routine; every single time Kei had a panic attack, Yamaguchi would come over and comfort him. The shorter male loved Kei, he was like a brother to him. He hated seeing Kei like that.

Kei heard a key in the lock, and his breath hitched. He knew it was Yamaguchi, he really did, but it sounded horribly reminiscent of someone other than the freckled male. "Tsukki?"

"I... In here." His voice was embarrassingly weak and broken. 

Yamaguchi was in Kei's bedroom in two seconds, not even changed out of his work clothes. Kei hoped that Yamaguchi hadn't ditched his job just to check on him.

As if reading his mind, the other male spoke. "Remember the last time I left you alone when you had a panic attack?"

He did. Yamaguchi texted, but couldn't make it over because he was covering a shift at the electronics store he worked at. Five hours later, after he finally managed to escape, Yamaguchi found Kei sitting in the bathtub, naked and surrounded by red water. He'd cut the back of his arm into a "T". Tetsurou. It was barely deep enough to require stitches, and Kei had to wear a bandage to work for a while.

Kei didn't even know how he still had a job. No one wanted to see scars. Maybe it was the fact that he was broken and pliable, and the scars showed it. He thought that anyone would be better at his job than he was.

A single nod was the answer that Yamaguchi needed. "Tsukki, please. Let me take you to the program. I promise, you'll be better. You won't think about him anymore." There was no reply. "Did you at least take your pills?" A shake of the head. "You have to take your meds or you won't be able to control the attacks."

Yamaguchi went into the bathroom, opening the drawer and dumping a pill into his hand. He brought it and a small paper cup of water to the blonde, pushing them into Kei's hands. Shaking, Kei swallowed the pill and water. He hated that the pills made him sleepy. Vistaril was the worst.

"Tsukki, listen to me. I love you. Okay? You're the brother I never had, and I don't want to see you like this. Your moms love you. You do have friends and family. I am so sorry that he hurt you, Tsukki, but you can't let him control you," Yamaguchi said, putting a firm hand on Kei's shoulder.

A sob tore itself from Kei's throat. "I know. I know. It... It hurts..." His voice cracked. 

"It's going to hurt until you get over him, Tsukki."

The nod was small and pathetic.


End file.
